Triple The Dad

Parenting is super tricky. You do a thing you think is great - look, I've set very strict guidelines that will make my kid a super adult and prepare them for the world - and all you do is instill them with the thought that you never let them have fun and kept them from being able to adjust to the world as it is. OTOH, you give them no rules and be their friend, and they long for you to have given them direction and guidance and pushed them so that they didn't end up with no skills and a habit of laying around on a couch all day. It is really the ultimate no win situation in a game that feels incredibly important to win.  As a result, I'm hesitant to give hard and fast advice on how to parent a specific child. But there is one piece thing I think we parents need to stop doing across the board: stop telling kids they are "perfect the way they are."   This is also a tricky, mine filled field to traipse through, because honestly, self esteem requir...

Let me kick this off by saying my kids are normal, well adjusted children who are awesome as well as being great learners. They are some of the most polite kids you will ever meet. Literally, people come up to us on almost every adventure out and compliment us on how well behaved our children are. Honestly, I think some of it is lowered expectations. I think most of them just expect triplets to behave like little monsters running around tasting other people's food at eateries and wildly running down the aisles of grocery stores knocking stuff off the shelves. So when ours behave like perfect little people, they are shocked. It is a point of pride among my wife and I. But sometimes, you can't win for trying. For instance. Each of our kids are a Kindle Fire they can play on (before you go to comment about screen time, they use them during "quiet time"). They are magicians on them. They teach themselves how to play games; they research new games; they have learned ...

I hate the Olympics. I'm not sure exactly when it started. I remember loving them at one point. My parents absolutely adore them, so the love affair probably sprouted in my childhood. Back then the Berlin Wall stood tall and Soviet Russia was a very real threat. We were not long removed from school children hiding under desks to avoid nuclear holocaust. Rooting for the U.S. bordered on a moral duty. I can recall checking the morning's papers to see the medal count. But at some point it all became too much. Too much gross nationalism; too much overhyped hoopla; too much doping; too much controversy; too much rewarding hosting duties to cities clearly incapable of the job; too much displacing poor people so that relatively rich people can participate in a sport ; just too much. I see people on FB who post constantly about the plight of the poor in this country and who have been on humanitarian missions expressing glee and delight in the Olympics. I'm not sure you can be a...

Orlando; Dallas; Charleston. Brexit.  Less than one-third of people polled believe the United States is headed in the right direction. Admittedly, if you drill down and focus just on certain events, the world can seem pretty bleak. Almost as if its falling apart.  I would - have! - argue that you would be wrong. I would also argue that its irresponsible. Not just as citizens of society, but as parents, as well. B ecause the belief that we are worse off today than pretty much any period in time is an artifice of the mind  psychologists  call  habituation . Its a trick our brain plays on us. You get that new phone or car or apartment and you love it. And then as the weeks go by you become acclimated to it. The new and exciting becomes background. You forget how good you have it. The emphasis on current also means we tend to forget about the past, when things were also violent and hateful. Which is what we do when we pretend that a single current even...

Mama; mama; mama; mama. My daughter kept repeating the same name and getting no response, which is a shame because my wife was only a room away. Seems sad, doesn't it? And it is. But not for any of the reasons that you probably think. Because while she was saying  mama, she actually wanted me . She was looking right at me, in fact. Mama; mama; mama; mama. If it was a one-off thing, I'd probably chalk it up to a mistake. Heck, I'll run through each of my kids' names before landing on the one I want sometimes. Sadly, its not; a one-off thing, that is. Sadie is notorious for loving when her family is "close." I love that about her. But its one thing to miss Mom; I get that. Look sweetie, I miss Mom too. I should mention Mom is around every weekend all weekend long and for long periods pretty much every day. I'd wager a guess my kids see both their parents more than most kids see a parent who works. Ingrates What gets me is that the minute I corr...

Some people get it; some people don't. I'm an Eagles fan and so Emmitt Smith was never my favorite player. I rooted against him and his team countless times. But he gets it. I'll bring up a sort of related point in a minute, but first: When asked if Smith would let his son play football - a big question that former players face these days - he said yes. Here is what he said: “ Why would I steal his passion from him ?” Smith said. “I never made him play football. He had many choices, options. I love watching him play basketball. Football, I get nervous just like any other parent. And I’m concerned for him just like any other parent. But his goals are his goals, and my job is to help him reach it and protect him when he needs protection. And so to take another kid’s passion from them is just not right. I don’t think it’s right. It’s like me taking your passion from you, telling you, ‘You cannot do this.’ When you want to do it. Especially if it’s right. It’s good for...

I'm just going to say it: The five-second rule is real. We (or at least I) practice it in our household. Now, I realize that once food touches the floor, even for a second, it has probably 99% of the germs it would have if it was left there for a full minute. I'm not so naive to think that picking food up off the floor within some five-second time frame magically keeps germs away. Instead, I use it as a guideline of sorts for my kids. Kids are devilish little things. They have lots of questions. How come we can say "yellow dye" but not "you die"? How come we can eat candy after dinner but not for breakfast? How come we can eat some  food off the floor, but not other food. Well, I'm here to tell you the answer is the five-second rule. Again, its not a germ prevention thing. Lots of times I use this as a short hand. If an uncooked noodle falls on the floor and its there less than 5 second, I'm putting it in the pot for boiling. Hey, its getting...

"A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret." I read this on Facebook while I was working on this series. Talk about timing, right? Patience is defined as: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. My wife will tell you I sometimes accept delay or trouble too easily. And I sometimes do  lack urgency. Some of that is because I tend to become scattered when rushed. I've learned over the years that its better for me to go slow and get it right, or at least try, rather than rush and forget two things, go home and get them, only to realize I've forgotten a third thing. But for whatever reason, I struggle with this when it comes to the kids. Some of it is that the cacophony is incessant. I know every parent complains about this. And truthfully, every parent deals with it on some level. But some days... Its just all too much. The hundreds of questions, the fighting, the q...

Yesterday was a no good, very bad, day. Not just yesterday, the last two or three days, really. I'm not even sure why. I am sure I have not been a good Dad or person these last few days. Maybe I'm not sleeping well - though I think I am. Maybe I'm not happy - though I think I am. Maybe I'm stressed out - though I have no reason to be. Heck, January was the best month for this blog by nearly any measure. The Robes broke up shortly after this show. Our piano player was moody. I've been short with the kids. Little things that  really should  roll off my shoulders have dug claws in me, edging me toward irritation. I've snapped. I've raised my voice. I've been very, very short. To the point my daughter has had to remind me to "take a deep breath, Daddy." A short aside: I'm so, so very proud of her for that. Because it really does defuse the situation; it really takes me out of the moment and allows me to reset. But when your 4-year-old ...

Its a triplet parents worst nightmare, really. I only have triplets, so most of what I;m about to say about singletons is conjecture and assumption, but here goes: I imagine that when you have three kids of different ages its easy when only one of them is invited to a birthday party. Any younger child is probably interested in where an older sibling is going, but is easily refocused. Older children probably just don't care what a younger child is doing, but to the extent they are invested, I'd think its easy to explain to them. After all, they are probably in different schools, or at least different grades. They have different teachers, different classmates, and while they may share some friends, those are largely different as well. Not so with triplets When you have three kids all the same age they attend the same  school; often in the same class (as ours do). So when only one of them receives an invite, as our daughter did, its hard not  to feel slighted. After all, ...

First off, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. It is the holiday season, so this is going to be a quick and fun post. If you want something more serious, you can look my struggles with my daughter's self esteem  here , my blah attitude about the death of cursive here , and why I'm a very bad person here . All kids believe in some clearly wild ideas. Santa. The tooth fairy. Heck, some parents believe vaccines cause disease, so its hard to blame the kids. But mine might be taking it to new levels. For instance, my one son will repeatedly tell me how I'm the best Dad he knows. Its sweet. And gosh, its hard to deny. But I'm also pretty much the only Dad he knows. I guess his other point of reference is the Dad from Peppa Pig. Have you seen that guy? He's a half shaven, rotound pig with the manners you might expect of such a guy. Its a bit surprising he isn't usually adorned with a can of beer in his hand and food stains on his clothing. This suddenly sounds li...

When it comes down to it, parenting is pretty much a crap shoot. It is like rolling a 100-sided die and having to pick the exact number it will land on. And getting it wrong means you'll have poop or permanent marker smeared on your face. Sure, you know all 100 numbers backwards and forwards, but that won't help you when you have poop lodged inside your nostril or a poorly drawn mustache on your face for that important work meeting. Because outside of a steady routine, just about anything else you do can be either entirely wrong for your kid, or the best parenting choice you could make. The worst part is you don't know which is what until its done. You can set strict rules and raise a good, god-fearing and law-abiding citizen who excels at everything he does; but you are just as likely to end up with some psychopath. You can provide no rules and raise a a free-spirited rebel, Gerry Garcia type; but you are just as likely to raise the next Charlie Sheen. It has as at least...

Parenting is a grand bargain. As the title alludes, its along the lines of the one between Darth Vader and Lando Callrissan in Star Wars. Parents would like to think they play the Darth Vader role, but in reality, its the role of Lando. I know I know: Vader means father and the entire series is a father-son drama. But think about the similarities between the parent-child and Vader-Lando relationship. In the movie, Lando provides Vader a place to secretly house troops while laying his trap. In return, Lando receives, well, some semblance of freedom and power from the deal, I suppose. The bargain between parents and kids offers little meaningful differences. In exchange for security and food, kids generally promise to follow the rules. The big secret here is that the law requires you to provide at least base amounts of security and food. Just like Lando, you have certain rules you already have to follow to varying degrees. Vader suffers no such restriction. And your children? T...

The other day I got really down on myself about how much I was yelling at my triplets.  It seemed like not a day was passing where I wasn’t expressing frustration or anger.  If the constant fighting wasn’t triggering me, it was the way they managed to make a 30 second process take 30 minutes. Now listen, my kids are really good.  They listen fairly well and are independent, sometimes to a fault.  Graded on a 4-year-old curve, I would say they are pretty great. But even on vacation I found their gross stalling galling.  During a time I hypothetically am at my most relaxed, I couldn’t handle how something as simple as getting swim trunks on required the intervention of the National Guard. Thankfully, I was buoyed by others – or enjoyed a bit of schadenfreude at least– when I posted my personal disappointment on a Facebook group for triplet dads.  Turns out, it wasn’t just me.  Lots of Dads felt the same way. One of them was on a two-d...

Did you know kids hear the word “no” a staggering 400 times per day . No? You didn’t? Then think about that: 400 times per day. 2,800 times per week*. More than 11,000 times per month. Per year that comes to 132,000 times. That is a bunch. A soul crushing amount of rejection, even for a group of individuals deliberately challenging authority and seeking to locate the outer bounds of permissible behavior. No wonder parents often feel like they are constantly at odds with their kids. I’d like – love – to think we are a little different. We try to keep the “no” to a minimum. Now, before you go get your spouse so you can mock this crazy guy on the internet who sets no rules for his kids and is bound to raise delinquents, hear me out. We might well be hippies raising future delinquents; or drones raising management material. As with all things, how you view yourself and how you actually act can be eye opening, but stick with me. You see, rather than say “no,” we t...

When you read as many Mommy and Daddy blogs as I do, heck, if you are any kind of parent at all, you will inevitably come across some version of advice that goes like this: trust your intuition. Like most Moms and Dads, I feel like I'm pretty good parent.  Lord knows I've set a low enough bar that I really, would , could , should be. It sure would be easier if there were Inside Outesque little people running around inside me ensuring I do it right. Maybe  I'm not .  But as I said, I like believe I am, even sans the little people But you know who else thinks they are doing it right? These people  who object to vaccines. These people who object to getting medical care for their kids. The people here . I'm not saying these people are doing it wrong. Though the people here  probably are. As near as I can tell, 99% percent of all deaths result from people following intuition. Screw intuition. I'm just not sure follow your intuition" advice amounts t...

This is where I work. For more than four years I've had it pretty good; great even.  It was almost five years ago when my company decided we should all be home based employees. We already worked from home two days a week, so it wasn't a titanic-hitting-an-iceberg change.  Still, I was anxious about the change.  Would I become a hermit?  How would I handle working at home everyday?  Would I miss the social interaction.  Would I miss a 5 mile commute that at times took 45 minutes.  Okay, so I could safely say I wouldn't miss that last part. Still, it was a big change. Little did I know, bigger changes were on the horizon.  Just a few months later I would change in my soon-to-be impossibly small car for an pickup truck. Despite wanting a pickup truck, the one I settled on seemed at the time impracticably oversized. We were firmly entrenched in fertility issues. There was a growing chance we weren't having kids at all.  And even when - ...

*This article originally appeared @ thebabyspot.ca I had a Cabbage Patch doll as a child.  Go ahead and get a snicker in about that if you want.  Got that out of your system?  Ok.  Good. Because for Easter, the bunny left one of my boys Magic Clip Dolls.  Not one, either, but 8 of them.  This wasn't some some strange experiment or a stunt to get a nice post for the blog; Rand asked for these for literally months.  Every trip to Target resulted in Rand telling us he wants Magic Clip Dolls, and which ones he wanted.  He would ask us at random times if he could have Magic Clip Dolls.  And at a recent birthday party he spent probably an hour in the basement playing with the two Magic Clip Dolls he found. Pure Joy What is a Dad to do?  Well, if you've posted in the past about why you gave up your opposition to your daughter wearing the  color pink  and why you think hating on pink  may actually be doing more ...

The timeline of raising triplets goes something like this, in my experience: The early months  of having triplets blurs by.  You have no sleep, you know you've had coffee, because you are awake, but you can't remember if you ate.  You hear kids crying, even when kids aren't crying; and even when they aren't with you. Year one is fun, but it is still lots of work.  Its like those first years of college, where you are suddenly being challenged in all kinds of new ways, but its all so fun and exciting that who cares.  Its like, well raising Gremlins. By year two , the novelty has worn off.  This is the time when those kids that couldn't handle the excitement of college have dropped out.  But there isn't any dropping out of parenting.  And there is a reason they call it the Terrible Twos - at this age parenting is more like managing a baseball team full of ... um, interesting personalities. And then you hit three years old, and it gets hard...

I talk to my kids a lot - a LOT - about taking deep breathes and the need to relax.  I do this mainly when they are frustrated with my wife and I or when one of the other kids take their toys or when, you know, the apple isn't perfectly apple-shaped.  But they also see me doing stretches and Yoga type stuff and taking deep breaths myself. But sometimes my emotions get the best of me.  I had one of those types of days this week.  One of the days where despite all my adultness, the pressures of life and child-rearing get the best of me.  And sometimes, my adult knowledge will lead me to see things in a different light than you see it.  Sometimes, I'm sad to say, kids, I'm going to fail. You will fall, as one of you did recently, for no obvious reasons in that funny way that you sometimes do.  It will be a short, soft fall and I'll know you are OK because I saw the fall.  All my training in falls and physics will tell me you are OK. I'll laug...