Skip to main content

The Five-Second Rule Is Real

I'm just going to say it: The five-second rule is real. We (or at least I) practice it in our household.

Now, I realize that once food touches the floor, even for a second, it has probably 99% of the germs it would have if it was left there for a full minute. I'm not so naive to think that picking food up off the floor within some five-second time frame magically keeps germs away.

Instead, I use it as a guideline of sorts for my kids. Kids are devilish little things. They have lots of questions. How come we can say "yellow dye" but not "you die"? How come we can eat candy after dinner but not for breakfast? How come we can eat some food off the floor, but not other food.

Well, I'm here to tell you the answer is the five-second rule.

Again, its not a germ prevention thing. Lots of times I use this as a short hand. If an uncooked noodle falls on the floor and its there less than 5 second, I'm putting it in the pot for boiling. Hey, its getting boiled anyway. If while reaching down to retrieve it I see another noodle of unknown origin, well, its going straight to the trash. Both are probably equally germ ridden; I get that.

But it makes a handy shorthand for why we can eat that broccoli that just fell on the floor and not the remains of that apple we found stashed inside the leftover Christmas box. A true story, by the way.

Its all summed by The Five Seconds Rule.

I'm not big on telling the kids "because I said so." I don't like it personally. I don't like when people do it to me. You probably don't like it when people do it to you. Even when my boss says "because I said so," its a bad explanation. If you are going to do something, there ought to be a good reason. Or at least a reason.

So I don't wan to tell my kids we don't eat that mealy apple "because I said so." Also, I'm not always around, and I don't want them wandering around the jungle of half eaten bits of food that is there playroom unsure of whether we can eat whatever they found.

Sure, this sounds just a little like "because I said so" without saying "because I said so." Fine. If and when my kids realize that point, good for them. They can challenge me on the specifics then. For now, if its been on the floor more than five seconds, you leave it.

My kids will inevitably listen to this advice. Because my kids will believe lots of odd things. Especially if I tell them.

Its sorta like how we can keep our 90-pound lab out of a room simply leaning a gate against a doorway - not installing it, simply by leaning it; or how you can see elephants remain tied to a stake by a simple piece of rope. My own daughter believes I'm a super hero; she said so today at breakfast. Of course, this is only a few weeks after she explained that Mommy is the bestest and I'm the leastest.

So the five-second rule is not only real, its really real.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Yesterday Was A No Good, Very Bad, Day

Yesterday was a no good, very bad, day. Not just yesterday, the last two or three days, really. I'm not even sure why. I am sure I have not been a good Dad or person these last few days. Maybe I'm not sleeping well - though I think I am. Maybe I'm not happy - though I think I am. Maybe I'm stressed out - though I have no reason to be. Heck, January was the best month for this blog by nearly any measure. The Robes broke up shortly after this show. Our piano player was moody. I've been short with the kids. Little things that  really should  roll off my shoulders have dug claws in me, edging me toward irritation. I've snapped. I've raised my voice. I've been very, very short. To the point my daughter has had to remind me to "take a deep breath, Daddy." A short aside: I'm so, so very proud of her for that. Because it really does defuse the situation; it really takes me out of the moment and allows me to reset. But when your 4-year-old ...

How Can I Be A Better Parent?

My last few posts have been pretty down beat. There is the one about how I yell at my kids too much ; and don’t forget the one where I compare my kids to Darth Vader . So its been a rough couple of weeks. But each of these posts has had a single uniting theme underpinning it: I think every single time I butt heads with my kids comes down to my own flaws. There. I said it. When my kids are playing right up to and past their bedtime and I can’t wrangle them into bed; when they won’t get their shoes on to leave the house to buy THEIR snack ; when they want more snack than common decency dictates; when they want more TV time or tablet time; the times when they ask the most inane questions, or when they won’t get their own underwear despite standing right next to the drawer. Well, OK, maybe that last one isn’t on me. But the rest? If it isn’t time travel , I think they are all on me. When they play past bedtime its mostly a failure to leave enough time. Indeed, I’ve ...

My Kids Believe Some Wild Things

First off, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. It is the holiday season, so this is going to be a quick and fun post. If you want something more serious, you can look my struggles with my daughter's self esteem  here , my blah attitude about the death of cursive here , and why I'm a very bad person here . All kids believe in some clearly wild ideas. Santa. The tooth fairy. Heck, some parents believe vaccines cause disease, so its hard to blame the kids. But mine might be taking it to new levels. For instance, my one son will repeatedly tell me how I'm the best Dad he knows. Its sweet. And gosh, its hard to deny. But I'm also pretty much the only Dad he knows. I guess his other point of reference is the Dad from Peppa Pig. Have you seen that guy? He's a half shaven, rotound pig with the manners you might expect of such a guy. Its a bit surprising he isn't usually adorned with a can of beer in his hand and food stains on his clothing. This suddenly sounds li...