Triple The Dad

No, not to blogging; though you'd be excused for thinking that, based on my posting rate lately. Instead, I'm talking about saying goodbye to a long-time friend: our dog Duke. We had known the decision to put him down was coming. It was no surprise. At somewhere in the neighborhood of 15 years, he had already lived a longer life than was probably normal for a dog of his size and assorted minor health issues. Add to that the fact that his health slowly faded over the last year, and then took a nose dive over the summer. By the time August rolled around he was not doing well. We managed to make him a little peppier, and more comfortable, but there is only so much you can do for a 15-year-old dog with what I'll paraphrase the vet as describing as "either 1 big problem, or 10 little ones." I had honestly hoped I would just walk down one morning and he would be lifeless. As bad as that would suck, at least I wouldn't have to make the call. But no. Man in the ...

Ok. So we moved on and accepted that Trump is president elect  (not king). What now? We can't change the election. So what do we do? For this exercise, lets assume Trump's rhetoric stokes the fire of hatred in the country and his policy proposals are to 1) try to build a wall, 2) imprison Hillary Clinton, 3) deport Mexicans and 4) put Muslims internment camps. For the record, I think 1, 2 and 4 are never going to even get proposed, but lets say they do. What do we do? We fight those proposals. Democrats who have been deporting people at record numbers under Obama are going to have to object. Democrats who hated gridlock are going to have to be that gridlock for 2 years, after which structural realities of our politics mean that that Congress will likely fall to the Dems. And they are going to have to work with Trump. Not every policy of his is bad. He was a Democrat for years and diverges from Republicans on a number of issues. And we focus on the local. We raise go...

Orlando; Dallas; Charleston. Brexit.  Less than one-third of people polled believe the United States is headed in the right direction. Admittedly, if you drill down and focus just on certain events, the world can seem pretty bleak. Almost as if its falling apart.  I would - have! - argue that you would be wrong. I would also argue that its irresponsible. Not just as citizens of society, but as parents, as well. B ecause the belief that we are worse off today than pretty much any period in time is an artifice of the mind  psychologists  call  habituation . Its a trick our brain plays on us. You get that new phone or car or apartment and you love it. And then as the weeks go by you become acclimated to it. The new and exciting becomes background. You forget how good you have it. The emphasis on current also means we tend to forget about the past, when things were also violent and hateful. Which is what we do when we pretend that a single current even...

Its a triplet parents worst nightmare, really. I only have triplets, so most of what I;m about to say about singletons is conjecture and assumption, but here goes: I imagine that when you have three kids of different ages its easy when only one of them is invited to a birthday party. Any younger child is probably interested in where an older sibling is going, but is easily refocused. Older children probably just don't care what a younger child is doing, but to the extent they are invested, I'd think its easy to explain to them. After all, they are probably in different schools, or at least different grades. They have different teachers, different classmates, and while they may share some friends, those are largely different as well. Not so with triplets When you have three kids all the same age they attend the same  school; often in the same class (as ours do). So when only one of them receives an invite, as our daughter did, its hard not  to feel slighted. After all, ...

First, let me say I don't know how single parents do it. I really can't imagine how single parents of multiple kids do it. I guess at least then you can ask the twelve-year old to watch the kids when you need that occasional time off. I guess. Still don't know how you manage it, but I guess. Secondly, let me just say that my kids are great. During a recent spout of illness by my wife they were quiet and played well and generally made life much, much easier on themselves, myself, and our family - right at a time when we needed it most. Kuddos kids. Thirdly, that my wife is pretty great as well. As a working Mom she struggles with many of the same things other working Moms struggle with: does she spend enough time with the kids; is she being enough of a "Mom." I was surprised that she struggled with that last one. She is a strong, reasonable, rationale woman (normally). But there she was on recent evening, asking me if she was a "good Mom."  Rather t...

First off, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. It is the holiday season, so this is going to be a quick and fun post. If you want something more serious, you can look my struggles with my daughter's self esteem  here , my blah attitude about the death of cursive here , and why I'm a very bad person here . All kids believe in some clearly wild ideas. Santa. The tooth fairy. Heck, some parents believe vaccines cause disease, so its hard to blame the kids. But mine might be taking it to new levels. For instance, my one son will repeatedly tell me how I'm the best Dad he knows. Its sweet. And gosh, its hard to deny. But I'm also pretty much the only Dad he knows. I guess his other point of reference is the Dad from Peppa Pig. Have you seen that guy? He's a half shaven, rotound pig with the manners you might expect of such a guy. Its a bit surprising he isn't usually adorned with a can of beer in his hand and food stains on his clothing. This suddenly sounds li...

The other day I got really down on myself about how much I was yelling at my triplets.  It seemed like not a day was passing where I wasn’t expressing frustration or anger.  If the constant fighting wasn’t triggering me, it was the way they managed to make a 30 second process take 30 minutes. Now listen, my kids are really good.  They listen fairly well and are independent, sometimes to a fault.  Graded on a 4-year-old curve, I would say they are pretty great. But even on vacation I found their gross stalling galling.  During a time I hypothetically am at my most relaxed, I couldn’t handle how something as simple as getting swim trunks on required the intervention of the National Guard. Thankfully, I was buoyed by others – or enjoyed a bit of schadenfreude at least– when I posted my personal disappointment on a Facebook group for triplet dads.  Turns out, it wasn’t just me.  Lots of Dads felt the same way. One of them was on a two-d...

 “Annie put stuff away, too, the way kids do – her dolls and the squishy blue doggie her mom had made for her out of an old towel when she was a baby.” That is a line from Crooked Little Lies, a Kindle First book by Barbara Taylor Sissel that I'm reading. The line seems innocuous and obvious.  Of course kids grow up. You can't help but know that. Its pretty much the one thing you hear repeatedly as a new parent. "Take pictures, it goes quick. They grow up so quickly. Getting big, isn't he/she. Appreciate them while they are young." And one of my favorite that we tell sleep deprived, addled and barely functioning new parents: "you'll miss this time when its gone." WAIT, say WHAT? I looked up from the book. Damned if they haven’t grown.  WAIT; WHAT? Sure enough: What were once just little baby carrots were now full grown carrots.  Ok, so that might be a bit hyperbolic.  They clearly aren’t full grown. But when did this happen?  W...

Is raising your kid as easy as playing Mario Bros.?  Or Contra? I know there are days when it would be nice if a little Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right B, A, Select, Start action could summon 99 extra parents to assist me. On second thought, no, that sounds awful.  But it would be nice, wouldn't it, if parenting were as simple as repeatedly mashing the A button? Parenting, perfected This guy at the Art of Manliness says it is. Before you scoff, read the article.  He has a point and its a good one.  Also, what follows is perhaps just a bit of confirmation bias. As he says, the real trick to parenting is getting kids to do what you want them to do and cut out the annoying stuff.  Face it: as much as you'd like to think you have some role to play in when they learn to spell, or talk or walk, those things are mostly as programmed as when they get teeth.  There just isn't a lot you can do about it. So what do you do in the face of 25...

I wish I could blame my month-long posting hiatus on my recent vacation, but alas, I can’t.  I can, however, tell you that I learned some lesson while visiting Virginia for a cousin's wedding.  When you go on vacation without your kids, you do a couple things differently. 1)       You begin using your spouse’s name again, and what a nice feeling that is.  Instead of “Mom” she becomes a wife again.  The shift was almost immediate for me, and I don’t even thing I recognized it until about the third time I called her by her name.  It was both awesome and freeing, as if I had been transported back to a time before kids. 2)       You don’t realize how stressed you are until you leave it behind.  I’m such a better Dad the last two or three days and I credit the vacation.  I feel less stressed.  And yeah, I realize that is the reason for vacations, but still, worth noting. 3)   ...

Admission: My wife and I weren’t likely to send our triplets to preschool.  My wife recently raised the possibility of sending them a couple days per week, but in our initial conversations, we figured they wouldn’t need it. Our kids receive a fair amount of social time with other kids between our friends and my wife’s meet ups with other triplet moms.  We read to them almost to a fault.  They do puzzles and listen to music and play games at home during the day. If they already get social interactions and preschool-type education, what was the point? (And I stage this as an honest question.  If you have a good answer, please head to the comments and let me know.) Then along comes this article suggesting that, if you are reading it – or this blog – you probably don’t need to send your kid to preschool.  See, if you care enough to read an article on the value, or lack thereof, of preschool, you are probably already doing a good job of parenti...

It won't surprise many of you that kids can get really into something.  As in really into something.  I'm not talking about a cabinet or a bag of flour.  I'm talking about how a child will pick one particular toy - in a room of 100 toys - that is just absolutely their favorite and that they can't live without. Mine aren't old enough to do this with colors yet, but I'm braced for the inevitable "favorite color" barage that is coming from my triplets. I'm going to try to avoid the mistake this guy made by not letting my daughter and two sons know that the local Home Depot retails about 5,000 shades of color. But I'm not sure I, or anyone, can avoid the inevitable change of heart that come with being a child.  Which is why I'm already readying my defense: the accent wall. In my mind it goes this way: At some point the boys will be spun off into their room and Sadie will have the place to herself.  She will inevitably tire of the nurs...