Thursday, December 31, 2015

My Kids Believe Some Wild Things

First off, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. It is the holiday season, so this is going to be a quick and fun post. If you want something more serious, you can look my struggles with my daughter's self esteem here, my blah attitude about the death of cursive here, and why I'm a very bad person here.

All kids believe in some clearly wild ideas. Santa. The tooth fairy. Heck, some parents believe vaccines cause disease, so its hard to blame the kids.

But mine might be taking it to new levels.

For instance, my one son will repeatedly tell me how I'm the best Dad he knows. Its sweet. And gosh, its hard to deny. But I'm also pretty much the only Dad he knows. I guess his other point of reference is the Dad from Peppa Pig. Have you seen that guy? He's a half shaven, rotound pig with the manners you might expect of such a guy. Its a bit surprising he isn't usually adorned with a can of beer in his hand and food stains on his clothing. This suddenly sounds like damning me with faint praise.

My daughter believes she sleeps with her eyes open. OPEN. Seriously. And she has a fairly airtight case; except of course for all of human knowledge. She laughed hysterically when we told her that sleeps with her eyes shut. To her, its simply dark at night. She sees us when she goes to sleep, and she sees us when we come in to her room, so of course her eyes are open the entire time. She even reasons out how we see her eyes closed when she sleeps in the car - of course her eyes are closed then, its sunny out.

My son thinks Cheetos dipped in 100% pumpkin tastes like strawberries. Cheetos. Dipped. In. Pumpkin. At his insistence, I tried this concoction. All I can say is that if I hadn't seen him eating strawberries, I would wonder if he had any idea what strawberries are. An alien who has never tasted strawberries couldn't come up with a less accurate description than Cheetos dipped in pumpkin. Cheetos. Dipped. In. Pumpkin.

For this next story, you have to know I'm bald. Early on, I convinced the kids they had taken my hair. As in, they would grab at my head and "hide" my hair behind their back. Did they really believe they took my hair? They were young - probably 2ish - so who knows. They seemed convinced.

In between performing ballet moves she doesn't actually know, my daughter exclaimed today that I don't have any hair, and that I am a Daddy desert.

Whatever that means.



  1. 1. typo: you said daughter believes she sleeps with her eyes shut. I think you meant "open"

    And strange factoid: My old coworker's husband sleeps with his eyes open. It's creepy as heck to hear her talk about it.

    2. Cheetos and WHAT? NO, jut NO. NOOOOO. You are braver than I.

    3. Daddy desert. Heh.

  2. Thanks, I fixed the typo. I know its hypothetically and medically possible, but I've seen her sleep; with her eyes shut.

    You read it right. Its weird, because I "ick" out about finishing their Chobani yogurt, but that was just fine.

    Thanks for stopping by. December 2015 was the third best month ever for the blog visitor wise. I appreciate the support.

  3. Haha, loved this! Can't beat the eye open logic :) #justanotherlinky

  4. omg too funny. cheetos dipped in pumpkin sounds like the correct toddler meal anyway. And daddy pig is the best, especially in the art episode with the curly mustache. #justanotherlinky

  5. Thanks for stopping by, Jessica. Yep, kids have some irrefutable logic sometimes.

    Orana, the pumpkin - hey, its a veggie! - saves it from being a total disaster, I suppose!

  6. Ha! Love it! My sister did actually scare the hell out of me growing up because she actually did sleep with her eyes open..It was very unsettling! Daddy pigs description reminds of Oslo from Keeping up Appearances! Never thought of him like that until you tybed that above!
    Great post, needed a chuckle. #justanotherlinky

  7. Thanks for stopping by Hannah; glad you enjoyed the post/blog and that I could provide a chuckle.

  8. Love it! Kids do believe some crazy stuff. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx

  9. Yup. I look forward to linking up in the future!