Triple The Dad

Looking back, do you know what I remember as the worst advice I received as a child? No, it wasn’t to stop making that face because otherwise it might stay that way; it wasn’t to avoid “scary” strangers (who almost never exist).  It certainly wasn't the DARE advice to avoid the "future killing" drug that each of our last four presidents and pretty much everyone around me has smoked. It was to “be myself.” Don't misunderstand me.  This isn’t a “poor, lost me” column.  I actually think I’m pretty good at knowing myself; maybe I’m fooling myself.  Because even now, at 37-years old and a Dad to triplets, I’m just beginning to figure out what "be yourself" might mean.  How we expect kids to know who “they are” at 8-years old, or especially 15-years old, is beyond me.  I’m not even sure you can “be yourself” at 8-years old. But this advice strikes me as especially unhelpful when told to high school kids about dating.  Who hasn't, when face...

Ok, so Christmas is right around the corner. If you haven't already finished shopping for you toddler, you are probably in a pure panic.  Sure, you can go out and see if anyone still stocks the Hug-Me Elmo, only to be upset, and further panicked, when you find they have it. Makes a surprisingly great Christmas gift for toddlers! Have no fear, Triple The Dad is here. This Christmas, get your toddler something both you and he can enjoy.  A Ninja blender. Ok, so you'll enjoy the blender more than he will.  But have you purchased gifts for a toddler?  Three quarters of the fun for them is in the opening of the wrapping paper and no less than half the fun is in playing with the box. So you'll let them open it, and play with the box while you get to work stuffing the child's new Ninja with fruits and veggies. I suggest you start out with a banana, a cup of frozen strawberries and say a half a cup each of milk and yogurt.  Let your kids help by dumping ...

An Elf so bad at being punctual Santa apparently exiled him. The topic of the Elf on the Shelf came up recently in a discussion with good friends of ours who bought an Elf for their child against their better instincts, fearing that their child would be the only one of his friends who didn't have this tradition.  A kind of "keeping up with the Elveses". To which I said: We aren't getting an Elf on the Shelf. Sorry kids, hate to break it to you, but we're not.. And not because I'm being a humbug.  I'm probably one of the biggest pro-Christmas people you'll ever meet.  My wife and I start with the Christmas movies and music as early as possible. But back to the Elf.  Let’s forget for a minute that the thing looks like a 1950s toy factory reject.  I’m even willing to forgo the whole creepy “he watches us when we sleep” thing because, well, isn’t that what we tell kids about Santa?  Let’s forget all that.  This isn’t a “Christmas tradit...

There is a dirty little secret about correcting children: It relies entirely on an unspoken contract between parent and child.  The contract goes something like this:  “Wherefore I am the adult and the only party with any type of long-range planning skills and knowledge about the wider world I will make the rules.  Whereas you are a high-energy, low-knowledge individual with a need for immediate gratification that can be both destructive and dangerous, you will follow those rules for both your betterment and the betterment of the world at large.  Decreed that since as adult I am bigger, stronger, generally faster and for the time smarter you will listen to these rules and obey the consequences.”   Some of us parents are breaking the compact. You see that last clause in our contract?  That part about being stronger, smarter, etc. etc.?  The dirtiest secret about correcting your kids is that if they simply don’t listen you really have nothin...

No posts this week.  Instead, just think about how lucky you are and how genuinely thankful you should be.  Regardless of your condition, unless its terminal, and even then, its almost certainly better than someone else.  And if you have your health, well, really, what more can you ask for? Happy Thinksgiving from my family to yours.

My kids are the best behaved children in the world.  Seriously; I’m pretty willing to place bets on this issue: my kids behave better behaved than your kids. I took my triplets to the grocery store by myself two weeks ago - just Daddy and three two-year-old triplets.  We survived.  More importantly, since this had every chance of devolving into a Carrie-esque situation, the store and everyone inside survived.  This is a minor miracle.  I know this because I’m constantly seeing tweets about how scared people are to take their singleton or two out.  And then @wyguymom says “God bless you.  I wouldn’t attempt that if my life depended on it.” It’s the grocery store, people.  On my last solo trip I managed to explode an entire bottle of Manischewitz wine on the floor all by myself.  It got cleaned up (I think).  No harm; no foul.  And what would the kids do?  Scream.  Please; I’m so over screaming its not even funn...

A lot of pixels have been spilled lately about “princess culture;” the idea that we program our daughters to love pink and princess and that this limits them; that we direct them to be “pink” and that absent culture they would grow up to be superior “blue.”  As if somehow “blue” were superior.  I hate the idea that my DD would ever be blocked in or constrained by my expectations. I’ll cop to this: We own a lot of pink clothes for her.  More than we would if I was the sole purchaser of clothing (or if I had any, or offered any, real input outside of occasionally complaining about to wifey).  Some of it is unavoidable.  Have you ever tried shopping for a 2-year-old girl?  If you want to avoid pink you better be ready to dress her in the same 3 outfits.  Every day. On the other hand, she is growing up with two brothers, experience the same rough-house play her 2 brothers participate in.  She plays at the same games, plays with the same toy...