Triple The Dad

Looking back, do you know what I remember as the worst advice I received as a child? No, it wasn’t to stop making that face because otherwise it might stay that way; it wasn’t to avoid “scary” strangers (who almost never exist).  It certainly wasn't the DARE advice to avoid the "future killing" drug that each of our last four presidents and pretty much everyone around me has smoked. It was to “be myself.” Don't misunderstand me.  This isn’t a “poor, lost me” column.  I actually think I’m pretty good at knowing myself; maybe I’m fooling myself.  Because even now, at 37-years old and a Dad to triplets, I’m just beginning to figure out what "be yourself" might mean.  How we expect kids to know who “they are” at 8-years old, or especially 15-years old, is beyond me.  I’m not even sure you can “be yourself” at 8-years old. But this advice strikes me as especially unhelpful when told to high school kids about dating.  Who hasn't, when face...

Ok, so Christmas is right around the corner. If you haven't already finished shopping for you toddler, you are probably in a pure panic.  Sure, you can go out and see if anyone still stocks the Hug-Me Elmo, only to be upset, and further panicked, when you find they have it. Makes a surprisingly great Christmas gift for toddlers! Have no fear, Triple The Dad is here. This Christmas, get your toddler something both you and he can enjoy.  A Ninja blender. Ok, so you'll enjoy the blender more than he will.  But have you purchased gifts for a toddler?  Three quarters of the fun for them is in the opening of the wrapping paper and no less than half the fun is in playing with the box. So you'll let them open it, and play with the box while you get to work stuffing the child's new Ninja with fruits and veggies. I suggest you start out with a banana, a cup of frozen strawberries and say a half a cup each of milk and yogurt.  Let your kids help by dumping ...

An Elf so bad at being punctual Santa apparently exiled him. The topic of the Elf on the Shelf came up recently in a discussion with good friends of ours who bought an Elf for their child against their better instincts, fearing that their child would be the only one of his friends who didn't have this tradition.  A kind of "keeping up with the Elveses". To which I said: We aren't getting an Elf on the Shelf. Sorry kids, hate to break it to you, but we're not.. And not because I'm being a humbug.  I'm probably one of the biggest pro-Christmas people you'll ever meet.  My wife and I start with the Christmas movies and music as early as possible. But back to the Elf.  Let’s forget for a minute that the thing looks like a 1950s toy factory reject.  I’m even willing to forgo the whole creepy “he watches us when we sleep” thing because, well, isn’t that what we tell kids about Santa?  Let’s forget all that.  This isn’t a “Christmas tradit...

There is a dirty little secret about correcting children: It relies entirely on an unspoken contract between parent and child.  The contract goes something like this:  “Wherefore I am the adult and the only party with any type of long-range planning skills and knowledge about the wider world I will make the rules.  Whereas you are a high-energy, low-knowledge individual with a need for immediate gratification that can be both destructive and dangerous, you will follow those rules for both your betterment and the betterment of the world at large.  Decreed that since as adult I am bigger, stronger, generally faster and for the time smarter you will listen to these rules and obey the consequences.”   Some of us parents are breaking the compact. You see that last clause in our contract?  That part about being stronger, smarter, etc. etc.?  The dirtiest secret about correcting your kids is that if they simply don’t listen you really have nothin...