Triple The Dad

I wrote last week about how the advice to "follow your intuition" is really bad advice. At least for a parent like me.  Pretty much every parenting decision requires me to do exactly the opposite of my intuition.  That got me thinking of how many contradictions are inherent in parenting.  Things we either wouldn't do for anyone else that we do for our kids, or things we want for our kids, but would never  want our kids to do. For instance, which would you prefer your child grow into as an adult: A) A nice, anonymous, completely average rule-following adult. B) A live-out-loud, noticed at first sight, rule breaking adult who overcomes barriers and creates something new and spectacular. I'm guessing most parents would choose outcome B every time.  But not much sound worse than trying to parent  child B.  Pretty much no parent would choose a rule breaking, barrier busting child who ignores their parents' every command over a more docile one who li...

When you read as many Mommy and Daddy blogs as I do, heck, if you are any kind of parent at all, you will inevitably come across some version of advice that goes like this: trust your intuition. Like most Moms and Dads, I feel like I'm pretty good parent.  Lord knows I've set a low enough bar that I really, would , could , should be. It sure would be easier if there were Inside Outesque little people running around inside me ensuring I do it right. Maybe  I'm not .  But as I said, I like believe I am, even sans the little people But you know who else thinks they are doing it right? These people  who object to vaccines. These people who object to getting medical care for their kids. The people here . I'm not saying these people are doing it wrong. Though the people here  probably are. As near as I can tell, 99% percent of all deaths result from people following intuition. Screw intuition. I'm just not sure follow your intuition" advice amounts t...

I've had this post hanging around for a while. Its a touchy subject and it was, as I'll describe below, harder to undertake than I imagined. Anyway, with the recent events in Charleston I thought it might well be time to go on this journey. So here we are: a post about kids and guns. You see, it all started when we went on a play date with friends of ours.  The family we were visiting has a new baby girl we will call Babette.  They also have an almost 4-year-old boy, who has since turned 4, who we can call Titan. I got to talking with the Dad, and he mentioned how difficult it was to keep Titan from encountering guns in one form or another.  The conversation switched to a recent kids party in which the boys played with toy guns, as boys will do, by "shooting" each other. Titan didn't really know what to do with that and kind of floundered in the game.  Having never been exposed to that kind of play, Titan was like a giraffe in space.  Seeing this confusion, ...

This is where I work. For more than four years I've had it pretty good; great even.  It was almost five years ago when my company decided we should all be home based employees. We already worked from home two days a week, so it wasn't a titanic-hitting-an-iceberg change.  Still, I was anxious about the change.  Would I become a hermit?  How would I handle working at home everyday?  Would I miss the social interaction.  Would I miss a 5 mile commute that at times took 45 minutes.  Okay, so I could safely say I wouldn't miss that last part. Still, it was a big change. Little did I know, bigger changes were on the horizon.  Just a few months later I would change in my soon-to-be impossibly small car for an pickup truck. Despite wanting a pickup truck, the one I settled on seemed at the time impracticably oversized. We were firmly entrenched in fertility issues. There was a growing chance we weren't having kids at all.  And even when - ...

“Daddy, I’m angry at you!” My dear daughter says these words with a fierceness that would seem impossible for a four year old.  But I almost don’t hear them.  I’m busy checking my watch.  It’s a couple minutes before my wife gets home.  The second tick by. tick, tick, tick. I’m wondering how long this tantrum will go on. tick, tick, tick.     Not because I’m worried she will come home to a tantrum, or wonder how I've failed so miserably as a Dad.  No.  It is because part of me is not only  wondering  how long the tantrum will run, but actively  rooting  for it to go on. I'm not worried my wife will walk into a war zone; I'm afraid she won't.  Because I want my wife to not just hear about it from me, but to witness it;  experience  it. I may have been recently named a  Brilliant Dad . Given the potentially  low bar , I suppose its possible I am. But I am without a doubt a very, ...

Recently I was featured as a “Brilliant Dad” over at diydaddyblog.com . That isn’t to brag. I think the bar for parenting is pretty low.   Despite this, I don’t feel very brilliant most days.  That is the truth. I see so many posts on twitter and on blogs about parenting by “instinct.”  But what if my instincts are all wrong? As I said in my Brilliant Dad feature, I’m not sure I’m constructed to really parent well. I’m a bit of a loner; I’m a bit introverted; I need alone time to “recharge,” and without it I can be short tempered. I’m frustrated when people can’t follow directions. None of these are great qualities to have as a parent.  That last one is pretty much the definition of four year olds and nothing will make you butt heads with a four-year old faster than acting  like a four-year old. And so my instinct is to do it myself; at least when I’m not sighing and expressing anger. Because I need that recharge time, I find myself strugg...

I'm old. I turned 39 in April, so I guess it shouldn't be that much of a surprise. And a million things could have triggered it.  Like the aches that linger a bit longer than they used too or the pains that don't quite subside.  The mornings that are harder to face than before.  There was the time my eye doctor told me my completely harmless eye condition came as the result of age.   But nope, none of that did it.   A little baby did. When I started hanging around with my wife's family we were the youngest of the group.  While I'm the oldest sibling in my family, my wife is the youngest of hers.  She had a couple nephews and a niece, but they were just entering their teen years.  So we were the ones finding  first jobs, and then second jobs, and exploring the world.  We were the ones living in new places and buying homes and then having kids.  And we didn't just have kids, we had triplets.  We were always the young u...