Skip to main content

Five Triplet Milestones You Won't Read About In Parenting Books


Every parent worries about them. Is my kids learning to crawl at the right time; are they walking at the right time; talking at the proper time; learning to use toys at the right times; can they point at the right times.

I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about the milestones that save a triplet parent. Save us time; save our lives; save our sanity. These are the ones that sneak by quietly during the maelstrom that is daily life. They are treated largely without fanfare from the books and experts, but probably matter more to a triplet parent's every day life than any of those I named above. Because pretty much every kid learns to walk. Some take a little longer than others, but absent some real issue, they all do it. Whether they do it today, or tomorrow, or next week, well, it seems super important - especially at the time - but it really isn't.

Walking just introduces a new level of difficulty to your life and enhances all the dangers in the child's reach. While its nice and you want your kid to learn to walk, it doesn't do anything for you.

But the milestones I'm thinking of do. And sure, most of these are great for parents of singletons as well. But the thing about triplets is that you can't just take a task that takes 3 minutes with a singleton and scale it up and pretend its a 9 minute task for a triplet parent.

It isn't.

Its not simply multiplying everything by 3, to get the math right you have to take things to the Power Of 3. A single 3 minute task for one child is more like a 27 minute task. So each of these milestones is really, really nice for us.

1 - The potty, Step 2

Lots of experts focus on potty training. How? When? Are they ready? You spend a soul-suckingly inordinate amount of time in a bathroom. And then the experts just seem to just... assume its done. But there are steps to potty training. Sure, its important to know when a kid is ready and how to do it (as if there was one way that worked for all kids, meek and bold, quick learner and more nuanced in approach).

You just got through - if you were like me - 16,000+ diaper changes and now you are finally, blissfully, done.

But you aren't done. You've freed up a little time, sure, but now you have to be on top of them every minute to make sure they go. Or that they don't TP your bathroom. And gone are the carefree days of diapers. Where you once worried that if you went 3  hours too long the diaper might fail, now you worry if you go 3 minutes too long the bladder might. Once  you have cleaned smeared poop and pee from a child in just clothes you are never the same. The milestone books kinda just breeze over this.

"Here, follow my method and WHOMP, you are done."


The real milestone isn't when they go potty on the toilet, the real milestone is when they go potty by themselves.

 Lets stick with the bathroom:

2 - The Bath

Bathing is a big concern for parents. Water and beings who can't hold themselves  up don't mix well. And throw in all the other  concerns: What temperature should the water be, how deep, how often should you bath them, what they heck is this stuff on their heads? The internet  is full of images that make it look fun. I mean, look at those little baby faces. How could you not love that?

You totally can, and bathing a baby can be a fun, bonding experience. But lets face it, it's a chore.

And when you are bathing all three in a single tub, its more global warfare than chore. I'm willing to bet none of the babies were in the pictured tubs for too long. Because if they were, they got soap in their eyes, and well, that is just the end of the world for most kids. There is reason Johnson & Johnson is world famous for "no more tears" shampoo. It's not because Ozzy Ozbourne sang a similarly named song about it.

It is because some marketing department figured out that bathing babies can be a nightmare and that soap/shampoo is right at the Freddie  Kruger heart of it. And then they up and lied.

I'm not saying J&J's shampoo isn't superior to other shampoos, or that until J&J came along other shampoos weren't made from stuff intentionally designed to sting the eyes of little children. I'm saying their claim of "no more tears" is BS.

There will be tears. Illogical, maniacal, insane tears the level of which probably won't even be shed at the apocalypse.

NOTE: WAIT! There aren't 5! Where are my other 3 milestones!? Keep calm! This is Part I of a series.


Popular posts from this blog


A couple months ago I posted about a push up challenge, and at the risk of pushing this blog into a self-help section, I'm going to post something else that I really enjoy that I think might help a reader or two (all two of you!). currently runs what it calls "Mid-Week Meditations," which is a short story on some piece of ancient wisdom.  Oooohhhhhhh, its ancient.  Just so you know, I'm not one to fall for the whole "ancient" is best meme.

But this is legit good stuff.  They take a quote or concept from a philosopher in the past - think Marcus Aurelius - translate what the sometimes mumbo jumboish phrase means, and then kind of detail how you can apply it.

This week, its all about how to train your mind for constructive thinking.

One thing I love about the series is that it doesn't dress up the knowledge too much.  It doesn't make it out to be more than it is, or suggest that its great simply because some Greek guy said it 2,000 years …

Why I Gave Up My Opposition To Pink

When I first joined the world of Dad blogging I couldn't help but notice that lots and lots of Dads who blogged hated the way they had to dress their daughters.  There were plenty of articles in the mainstream press on the same issue.  Mommy blogs jumped in as well.

Were we limiting our daughters, or worse yet, damaging them, by dressing them in pink?

I was certain that society limits girls, telling them both subtly and not-so subtly that they can't do certain things.  And sure, an adult is free to do whatever an adult wants, but once those signals are broadcast its hard to overcome, especially when those signals are received early and often.

Now, my daughter wasn't going to run into quite the same situation, because she has to brothers the exact same age so they pretty much all play with the same stuff.  The boys play with Minnie and she plays with trains.  Though, somehow, she shows more interest in Minnie and baby dolls and they have more interest in trains.  Maybe I…

Is Mocking Redheads Bullying? If Not, What Is?

Its Super Bowl time, and since my team didn't make it, I haven't been paying very close attention.  But I got to talking with Aaron Gouveia on Twitter after I noticed one of his tweets about how a redhead would never QB a team to said Super Bowl.  Essentially, Aaron was mocking redheads.  My team doesn't have a redheaded QB, so we are safe (for now!), but I mentioned to him that this might fall under the term of bullying.  Aaron, in case you don't know, is rightfully well known in the Daddy-bloggersphere for his excellent Daddy Files blog.  Seriously, go read it now, and follow @DaddyFiles on Twitter.  And before I really get going on this rant, let me say: I get it.  Even as great as Gouveia is, he probably can't hold candle to the prestige, money and social status of a Pro-Bowl NFL player like Andy Dalton.  Andy Dalton could never do another thing in the NFL and probably still have more name recognition, money and power than Gouveia ever will.  This isn't exa…