Thursday, February 18, 2016

The British Invasion

The British are coming. In fact, they have already arrived. And this time around, there is no Paul Revere to sound the alarm. Because they are insidiously putting down roots inside our brains. Like some kind of zombie fungus.

I'm not sure who that sixth person on "our" side is, but he is in BAD shape.
First they come for words; then the horses.
It all started the other day when my daughter asked if we had any tomatoes. Not tomAtos, but tomatos. Soft "a" sound, not a hard one. Then she asked me to "mend" her toy. Who says that? You know who? The British. These are clearly British phrases. What would make otherwise perfectly American children speak with a British tongue? Where is this coming from?

Peppa Pig, that is where.

The entire Pig family is British. The speak British. They go on "holiday" rather than vacation. They call the stripped animal from Africa a zebra - soft "e" sound, not a hard one - rather than zEbra, like everyone else whose brain isn't half fungus.

That might not seem like a big deal. "Mend" is a completely understandable term for "fix," after all. But explore the show a little further and you'll realize just how insidious this society is.

If you watch the show for more than five minutes, you'll notice a trend. There is Peppa Pig. Zoe Zebra. Rebecca Rabbit. Richard Rabbit. Rosie Rabbit. Robbie Rabbit. Suzy Sheep. Candy Cat. Danny Dog. Pedro Pony. Emily Elephant. Edmond Elephant. Delphine Donkey. Freddy Fox. Kylie Kangaroo. Gabrielle Goat.

This is a horrible society where your first name apparently must share a first letter with the first letter of your last name. Good luck if you happen to be the 101st Donkey born. I'm guessing you get a name like Dtlaksdette, or they simply kill you in your crib to prevent such a tragic name.

Talk about totalitarian.


  1. of your kids is covered on the name thing.

    Also, for reasons unknown to me, I (naturally) used (some) British spellings and punctuation until college when I realize it was a problem and what I was doing. Before I thought I just couldn't get the hang of spelling judgement and acknowledgement. So obviously this runs in the family :D

  2. Interesting. Not too long ago I had a writer reach out to me for insights and quotes for a magazine article. It all fell apart when she and I realized that it was about parenting in the UK.

    Apparently my Tweet line and blog read British, even to British speaking people!