Thursday, September 3, 2015

Have You Ever Noticed: Simon Says Edition

My kids were playing Simon Says the other day and I have to say I’m outraged.  Have you ever seen kids play this game? Have your kids ever played?

In a world where we are uber concerned about critical thinking skills and are banning dodge ball out of safety concerns, I’m pretty sure we should make banning Simon Says a priority.

Because I’m fairly sure it’s a foreign plot to take over the country.

If you visit any comment board about anything remotely political, you’ll see some dolt cleverly refer to sheeple.  Sheeple: People who are sheep.  See.  It’s funny, because it is original.  Or, it at least it was original, if you first used it in like 1850.  Anyway…

What more is Simon Says than an exercise in making children into sheep?  I mean, come on.  Red-Light/Green-Light at least has the fact that its teaching rudimentary driving skills going for it.

Simon Says is essentially a sheeple generator.  It is a game composed entirely of unquestioningly following authority.  Just do as we say.  It doesn’t matter how tricky or confusing or nonsensical the command, follow or you lose.  Oh, and if we throw in a surprise trick, or ask the impossible of you, you lose as well.

Replace Simon with Authority and you get something like this:

Authority says rub your head.  Run in circles.  Oh wait. You didn’t get the proper permission to run in circles.  So sorry, you lose.  You must be some kind of right-wing militia nut. 

The rest of you, Authority says sing as loud as you can.  Stop stop stop.  That racket was getting on my nerves.  Wait.  Authority says stop.  If you who stopped on that first command - off to the gulags with you.  Good job those who remain.  You are awesome sheep, er, people.

Think about it.  The KGB could scarcely come up with a better way to brainwash people into towing the party line.  Hours of eyelid-pinned-open watching of propaganda films can't touch a childhood game specially formulated to create a supplicating citizenship.  Come to think of it, does any one know where this game originated?  Because this stinks of a game some secret society infiltrating society with this game to weed out the rebellious element.  Donald Trump is worried about criminals crossing the border, but we suffer from an even scarier threat: The Freemasons might be brainwashing our kids!

Don't think it matters? Let me ask you this: You think Luke Skywalker was good at Simon Says?  If so, you must be a sheeple yourself.  There is no way Skywalker, with his head in the clouds and never on what he was doing, was good at Simon Says. You know who was really awesome at Simon Says?  Storm troopers. That is right. Clones genetically designed to be good and faithful servants. People who would follow orders without questioning. 

They would would be awesome at Simon Says.

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