Skip to main content

Time-Travelling Triplets

I have triplets and I need help.  I'm sure you probably already figured that, but this goes beyond the uniqueness of raising triplets.  You see, I have kind of a unique parenting problem to share with you that needs the attention of top notch scientists at NASA or some top science lab.  

Because I don't want my family to end up in the hands of angry, gun-wielding agents, I’m throwing this secret out to the blogosphere so you can direct me to the good scientists.  Like maybe those guys in the movie ET.  The ones in the version with the guns edited out.  More moral and less angry ones, if possible. 

Back to the problem at hand: I have a broad, but fairly shallow understanding of the science I’m about to get into, which is why I need the help, but stay with me.

You see, I have time-travelling triplets.  They can literally alter time; seemingly at will.

Case in point: I look down at my watch and, lucky me, I have an hour to get the three of them into their shoes.  That is it.  Six Velcro shoes on six little feet.  One hour.  Those are good odds, even for putting shoes on three three-year olds, and I’m doing a fantastic job as Daddy Organizer.

Except… zzzzaaaappppp

I’ve gotten two children shoed; I look at my watch to check how I’m doing time-wise.  I do this fully ready to pat myself on the back for how much time I have to spare.  But I don’t have any time to spare, because there are now about 7 minutes left in that hour.

Stunned and trying to figure out exactly what happened, I look up.  One of the triplets crying, I assume this is because time travel is traumatic.  Worse, the two children who once had shoes on their feet now have only one shoe – combined.  I guess time travel is also chaotic, because we can’t find any of the other shoes.

My daughter, when I finally find her in the next room over has no pants on.  Remember, I claimed time travel; I made no representations regarding their control over it.  Frankly, if we could harness it I wouldn’t need the government’s help.

Anyway, where are her pants?  How do you lose pants except through the chaos of time travel?

To recap, in 53 minutes I put on two pairs of shoes, only to lose a child, three of said shoes, and a pair of pants.  The only way I can explain this is that the gravity created by the three of them somehow warps the time-space fabric.  Think of time-space as tin foil.  The kids are this dot of paint on one side and when they fold the tin foil over, that dot of paint transfers over to the other side without ever touching the middle of the foil.  I’m guessing those shoes are somewhere in between the two dots of paint.

Pseudoscience aside, it is now about 4 minutes till we have to leave and I have to find a pair of pants, three shoes and… hey, where did Rand get off to?

What I think will interest the government the most is that this phenomenon goes in both directions.

For instance, same set up, but instead of an hour to get shoes on, this time I have shoes, jackets and hats. 

I’ve learned my lesson.  This time, the shoes, jackets and hats are all laid out and in view.  Once again, I’m fairly confident and proud of myself for being as prepared as I am.

Except… zzzzaaaappppp.

Despite wriggling feet and floppy limbs, I wrangle the shoes on.  Arms go in jacket holes, are taken out when I realize they are in the wrong holes, and are reentered.  Little voices complain about uncomfortable feet and shoes are removed  and put back on and the process repeated until the shoes end upon the proper feet.  Hats go on heads and I breathe a sigh of relief and check the watch, fully expecting to be 35 minutes late and…

What do you mean it has been 5 minutes!  What do I for 55 minutes with miniature Stay-Puffed people, their little arms inflexibility extended outwards by overstuffed jackets?

I’m sure I could word this post in a way that would get the NSA’s attention, but that isn’t the type of government concern I’m interested in stoking. 

That is why I’m asking you other parents out there.  Which one of you out there can put me touch with a good time-travel expert?

Comments

  1. I love this post! Your tin foil explanation makes complete and utter sense to me :D
    Even now four of my five kids are old enough to dress themselves we still manage to loose shoes and clothing. All the time!
    Thanks for linking up with #MultipleMadness

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for stopping by, Katie. The time travel explanation has helped me sort through a lot of problems around here, and I make sure to leave enough time so that the kids can't jump ahead of me in it.

    Still haven't found where the missing socks go, though.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Is Mocking Redheads Bullying? If Not, What Is?

Its Super Bowl time, and since my team didn't make it, I haven't been paying very close attention.  But I got to talking with Aaron Gouveia on Twitter after I noticed one of his tweets about how a redhead would never QB a team to said Super Bowl.  Essentially, Aaron was mocking redheads.  My team doesn't have a redheaded QB, so we are safe (for now!), but I mentioned to him that this might fall under the term of bullying.  Aaron, in case you don't know, is rightfully well known in the Daddy-bloggersphere for his excellent  Daddy Files blog.  Seriously, go read it now,  and follow @DaddyFiles on Twitter.  And before I really get going on this rant, let me say: I get it.  Even as great as Gouveia is, he probably can't hold candle to the prestige, money and social status of a Pro-Bowl NFL player like Andy Dalton.  Andy Dalton could never do another thing in the NFL and probably still have more name recognition, money and power than Gouveia ever will.  This isn't e

My Kids Believe Some Wild Things

First off, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. It is the holiday season, so this is going to be a quick and fun post. If you want something more serious, you can look my struggles with my daughter's self esteem  here , my blah attitude about the death of cursive here , and why I'm a very bad person here . All kids believe in some clearly wild ideas. Santa. The tooth fairy. Heck, some parents believe vaccines cause disease, so its hard to blame the kids. But mine might be taking it to new levels. For instance, my one son will repeatedly tell me how I'm the best Dad he knows. Its sweet. And gosh, its hard to deny. But I'm also pretty much the only Dad he knows. I guess his other point of reference is the Dad from Peppa Pig. Have you seen that guy? He's a half shaven, rotound pig with the manners you might expect of such a guy. Its a bit surprising he isn't usually adorned with a can of beer in his hand and food stains on his clothing. This suddenly sounds li

NIGHTMARE: Three Kids; One Invite

Its a triplet parents worst nightmare, really. I only have triplets, so most of what I;m about to say about singletons is conjecture and assumption, but here goes: I imagine that when you have three kids of different ages its easy when only one of them is invited to a birthday party. Any younger child is probably interested in where an older sibling is going, but is easily refocused. Older children probably just don't care what a younger child is doing, but to the extent they are invested, I'd think its easy to explain to them. After all, they are probably in different schools, or at least different grades. They have different teachers, different classmates, and while they may share some friends, those are largely different as well. Not so with triplets When you have three kids all the same age they attend the same  school; often in the same class (as ours do). So when only one of them receives an invite, as our daughter did, its hard not  to feel slighted. After all, t