Skip to main content

He's got, Poopie Eyes

Everybody wants their kids to hit that important milestone of speaking.  Right up until they do.

We were the same.  One of my concerns is that I sometimes have a dirty mouth.  Not the “doesn’t brush his teeth” kind.  My teeth are fairly immaculate.  I’m talking the “swears more than he sometimes should” type.  I never swore on what you would term a regular basis, but I’m a true believer that certain occasions call for a good curse word.  Car accidents; for instance.  If you are ever in one, even a minor one, having the F word be the first thing out of your mouth is a perfectly acceptable situation, in my opinion.

But at times in my life the definition of “acceptable situation” slide a bit; sometimes more than a bit.  During those times, I would find things like not getting a letter in the mail sufficient reason to let go with a chosen word. 

As in: “S***, the mail came and I didn’t get this letter to the mailbox yet.”  Sometimes that S word slide over to make way for the F word.  You get the idea.

Then we had kids.  Now I had to worry about them running around the doctor’s office while I explained how S*** and F*** were the first two words they learned.  “Yes, doctor the kids seem to be coming along nicely.  Yep, hitting all the milestones.  What’s that?  Words?  Well, yeah, they know a couple…  Do they use them regularly?  No; not if we can help it.”

I’ll be damned if I was going to be that Dad, so I tightened up the swearing requirements.

Fast forward to the end of a nice, quiet family dinner.  I’m cleaning up dishes or some such when one of sons comes up to me and says: “Daddy, asswipe.” 

Did he just say what I thought he said?  I stood there staring at him; stunned.  My first thought was “where did he learn that?”  The second was, “what has my wife been saying behind my back?”

Despite myself a small grin grew on my face.  Because during any parenting journey there are times you want to laugh at your kids in spite of yourself and the fact that you know it will only encourage rotten behavior.  This was certainly one of them.  Laugh now, encourage this here, and he’ll be running around saying this funny word for a week or more.  Worse yet, all three will probably be running around saying it.  Not because they know what it means, but because, hey, Daddy laughed that one time – it must be funny.  I learned this lesson the really hard way.  Some time early my kid picked up the words Poopie Eyes.  This may or may not have been the result of me singing “Hungry Eyes” one day.  I can’t recall.  Anyway, he and I and my wife all thought this was hilariously funny.  Poopie Eyes!  It remained funny right up until he called a kid playing unnecessarily rough at the playground Poopie Eyes; not so funny anymore.  Try to unteach a 2-year-old a word that his parents found amusing for a month.  It is like alchemy.  There just isn’t any way to turn iron into gold or a funny word into a verboten one.  It just isn’t possible.

“Daddy, asswipe,” he repeated.

I looked into the playroom and asked my wife what she had been teaching our kids.

“Daddy, asswipe.”  More urgently this time.

Shook from my shock I noticed his outstretched hands.  He wanted his hands wiped; “answiped” in his lingo.  I laughed.  He hadn’t learned to swear yet, and my wife was not secretly hating on my behind my back. 

Bullet dodged. 

At least until the next time I teach him something that comes back to bite me.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Meditations

A couple months ago I posted about a push up challenge, and at the risk of pushing this blog into a self-help section, I'm going to post something else that I really enjoy that I think might help a reader or two (all two of you!).

Lifehacker.com currently runs what it calls "Mid-Week Meditations," which is a short story on some piece of ancient wisdom.  Oooohhhhhhh, its ancient.  Just so you know, I'm not one to fall for the whole "ancient" is best meme.

But this is legit good stuff.  They take a quote or concept from a philosopher in the past - think Marcus Aurelius - translate what the sometimes mumbo jumboish phrase means, and then kind of detail how you can apply it.

This week, its all about how to train your mind for constructive thinking.

One thing I love about the series is that it doesn't dress up the knowledge too much.  It doesn't make it out to be more than it is, or suggest that its great simply because some Greek guy said it 2,000 years …

Why I Gave Up My Opposition To Pink

When I first joined the world of Dad blogging I couldn't help but notice that lots and lots of Dads who blogged hated the way they had to dress their daughters.  There were plenty of articles in the mainstream press on the same issue.  Mommy blogs jumped in as well.

Were we limiting our daughters, or worse yet, damaging them, by dressing them in pink?

I was certain that society limits girls, telling them both subtly and not-so subtly that they can't do certain things.  And sure, an adult is free to do whatever an adult wants, but once those signals are broadcast its hard to overcome, especially when those signals are received early and often.

Now, my daughter wasn't going to run into quite the same situation, because she has to brothers the exact same age so they pretty much all play with the same stuff.  The boys play with Minnie and she plays with trains.  Though, somehow, she shows more interest in Minnie and baby dolls and they have more interest in trains.  Maybe I…

Is Mocking Redheads Bullying? If Not, What Is?

Its Super Bowl time, and since my team didn't make it, I haven't been paying very close attention.  But I got to talking with Aaron Gouveia on Twitter after I noticed one of his tweets about how a redhead would never QB a team to said Super Bowl.  Essentially, Aaron was mocking redheads.  My team doesn't have a redheaded QB, so we are safe (for now!), but I mentioned to him that this might fall under the term of bullying.  Aaron, in case you don't know, is rightfully well known in the Daddy-bloggersphere for his excellent Daddy Files blog.  Seriously, go read it now, and follow @DaddyFiles on Twitter.  And before I really get going on this rant, let me say: I get it.  Even as great as Gouveia is, he probably can't hold candle to the prestige, money and social status of a Pro-Bowl NFL player like Andy Dalton.  Andy Dalton could never do another thing in the NFL and probably still have more name recognition, money and power than Gouveia ever will.  This isn't exa…