Triple The Dad

Parenting is super tricky. You do a thing you think is great - look, I've set very strict guidelines that will make my kid a super adult and prepare them for the world - and all you do is instill them with the thought that you never let them have fun and kept them from being able to adjust to the world as it is. OTOH, you give them no rules and be their friend, and they long for you to have given them direction and guidance and pushed them so that they didn't end up with no skills and a habit of laying around on a couch all day. It is really the ultimate no win situation in a game that feels incredibly important to win.  As a result, I'm hesitant to give hard and fast advice on how to parent a specific child. But there is one piece thing I think we parents need to stop doing across the board: stop telling kids they are "perfect the way they are."   This is also a tricky, mine filled field to traipse through, because honestly, self esteem requir...

The holidays are over.  It only seems like life is over. There is a solid three month period where holidays of various degrees are hitting you one-two-three style.  You have Halloween, which takes some of the sting out of the cooling temperatures and the disappearance of summer.  You have Thanksgiving, with rare foods and the promise of Christmas.  Then you have a month of prepping and joy for Christmas.  You are so busy, you hardly notice how cold it has gotten.  And this year it got pretty darn cold.  And then Christmas itself.  My wife and I take a week off between Christmas and New Years, so we have that.  Its a period so full of life.  And then the aforementioned NYE - when the cold decided to take it up a notch. With triplets, its a little like being shot out of a cannon and taking three months to land. But when you land, you land firmly in what I call the Dark Months. There are no more holidays.  Yes, I realize ML...

No, not to blogging; though you'd be excused for thinking that, based on my posting rate lately. Instead, I'm talking about saying goodbye to a long-time friend: our dog Duke. We had known the decision to put him down was coming. It was no surprise. At somewhere in the neighborhood of 15 years, he had already lived a longer life than was probably normal for a dog of his size and assorted minor health issues. Add to that the fact that his health slowly faded over the last year, and then took a nose dive over the summer. By the time August rolled around he was not doing well. We managed to make him a little peppier, and more comfortable, but there is only so much you can do for a 15-year-old dog with what I'll paraphrase the vet as describing as "either 1 big problem, or 10 little ones." I had honestly hoped I would just walk down one morning and he would be lifeless. As bad as that would suck, at least I wouldn't have to make the call. But no. Man in the ...

Its January, which means we've turned the page on another year. Usually, that means new leaves overturned and resolutions. I did that last year. I did awful.  Some of that is events that transpired in November that I think impacted my writing (No, not the election, but its a story for a different time), but honestly, the failing failed fully before that; likely *checks stats* Yep; probably before that. So this year, I'm not doing Better Bryan. Call it a Better Bryan Break. This year, instead, I'm going to make all of YOU better. How, you ask? Good question. There is one thing that really bugs as a parent that a LOT of you are doing. And I realize, you are doing this as a kind act. You think this makes you a sweet and nice person and you probably pat yourself on the back a little when it happens. I'm here to tell you, you are secretly impeding the ability to raise safe kids while making my job as parent harder. Let me set the scene: I'm crossing the stree...

Orlando; Dallas; Charleston. Brexit.  Less than one-third of people polled believe the United States is headed in the right direction. Admittedly, if you drill down and focus just on certain events, the world can seem pretty bleak. Almost as if its falling apart.  I would - have! - argue that you would be wrong. I would also argue that its irresponsible. Not just as citizens of society, but as parents, as well. B ecause the belief that we are worse off today than pretty much any period in time is an artifice of the mind  psychologists  call  habituation . Its a trick our brain plays on us. You get that new phone or car or apartment and you love it. And then as the weeks go by you become acclimated to it. The new and exciting becomes background. You forget how good you have it. The emphasis on current also means we tend to forget about the past, when things were also violent and hateful. Which is what we do when we pretend that a single current even...

Milestones. Every parent worries about them. Is my kids learning to crawl at the right time; are they walking at the right time; talking at the proper time; learning to use toys at the right times; can they point at the right times. I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about the milestones that save a triplet parent. Save us time; save our lives; save our sanity. These are the ones that sneak by quietly during the maelstrom that is daily life. They are treated largely without fanfare from the books and experts, but probably matter more to a triplet parent's every day life than any of those I named above. Because pretty much every  kid learns to walk. Some take a little longer than others, but absent some real issue, they all do it. Whether they do it today, or tomorrow, or next week, well, it seems  super important - especially at the time - but it really isn't. Walking just introduces a new level of difficulty to your life and enhances all the dangers in the c...

Parents of all stripes, but new parents especially, are prone to worry. And why not? The early months of parenting are unlike anything you've encountered before. You are bone tired and lost at sea, having never been too sea before and without any way of knowing where you are, or even if you are on Earth. Many parents react to this situation by promptly taking out an auger and drilling a hole right through the bottom of their boat. The question is - right after "hey, where did they get that auger?" - why? Why do parents make it harder than it has to be. For one thing, if your kid does it, its probably normal. Like 99.9% probably normal. You see parents in advice columns and busily pounding away questions at Google like... My kid does X, is it normal? In fact, the first five Google suggestions for "my kid does..." are: 1) doesn't want to go to college 2) doesn't sleep 3) doesn't listen 4) doesn't play sports 5) doesn't eat ...

Mama; mama; mama; mama. My daughter kept repeating the same name and getting no response, which is a shame because my wife was only a room away. Seems sad, doesn't it? And it is. But not for any of the reasons that you probably think. Because while she was saying  mama, she actually wanted me . She was looking right at me, in fact. Mama; mama; mama; mama. If it was a one-off thing, I'd probably chalk it up to a mistake. Heck, I'll run through each of my kids' names before landing on the one I want sometimes. Sadly, its not; a one-off thing, that is. Sadie is notorious for loving when her family is "close." I love that about her. But its one thing to miss Mom; I get that. Look sweetie, I miss Mom too. I should mention Mom is around every weekend all weekend long and for long periods pretty much every day. I'd wager a guess my kids see both their parents more than most kids see a parent who works. Ingrates What gets me is that the minute I corr...

Some people get it; some people don't. I'm an Eagles fan and so Emmitt Smith was never my favorite player. I rooted against him and his team countless times. But he gets it. I'll bring up a sort of related point in a minute, but first: When asked if Smith would let his son play football - a big question that former players face these days - he said yes. Here is what he said: “ Why would I steal his passion from him ?” Smith said. “I never made him play football. He had many choices, options. I love watching him play basketball. Football, I get nervous just like any other parent. And I’m concerned for him just like any other parent. But his goals are his goals, and my job is to help him reach it and protect him when he needs protection. And so to take another kid’s passion from them is just not right. I don’t think it’s right. It’s like me taking your passion from you, telling you, ‘You cannot do this.’ When you want to do it. Especially if it’s right. It’s good for...

You have days like this one , and it seems like, really seems like, you aren't going to do anything correct. You just aren't. And then you have a day where they play a game like the one shown in the picture. Some kind of amalgam between the game of checkers I had just shown them how to play and the game of chess they know I love. And to be honest, four has been pretty awesome. I was thinking about just how awesome as I scrolled through Facebook posts from other triplet Dads who have young ones and were, simply put, overwhelmed. For a sex that prides itself on motion and doing and energy and work, there were a lot of Dads who simply seemed at their breaking point in February. And that isn't to judge; handling triplets is hard. Damn hard. And yes, I once said about how three was the perfect age.  I  also once wrote "Preschool Not For Me School."   What do I know? I hadn't had four year olds yet. Kids are like what I imagine it was like when the first h...

Kids are wired all wrong. Even compensating for and taking into consideration the fact that four-year-old children need a strong self preservation mechanism or their little bodies would never make it to adulthood they seem to be wired all wrong. At least mine. Exhibit A. By son, now rapidly approaching five years old, will still sometimes refuse to go down slides. Not the shiny metal, super heated, thigh burning variety, or even some super-deluxe, twisty turny, five-story high monstrosity; just a simple, single turn, plastic one at the local Burger King. Ok, you say, maybe he is afraid of heights or the fall. Which I'd totally buy as an explanation, except he has no problem standing on his dinner chair, then happily jumping onto his sister's chair. Exhibit B. My other son nearly melted down during a recent climb up a playground at the Crayola Experience. He climbed his way up one of those climbing towers every  playground seems to have. About three quarters of the way u...

I'm just going to say it: The five-second rule is real. We (or at least I) practice it in our household. Now, I realize that once food touches the floor, even for a second, it has probably 99% of the germs it would have if it was left there for a full minute. I'm not so naive to think that picking food up off the floor within some five-second time frame magically keeps germs away. Instead, I use it as a guideline of sorts for my kids. Kids are devilish little things. They have lots of questions. How come we can say "yellow dye" but not "you die"? How come we can eat candy after dinner but not for breakfast? How come we can eat some  food off the floor, but not other food. Well, I'm here to tell you the answer is the five-second rule. Again, its not a germ prevention thing. Lots of times I use this as a short hand. If an uncooked noodle falls on the floor and its there less than 5 second, I'm putting it in the pot for boiling. Hey, its getting...

"A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret." I read this on Facebook while I was working on this series. Talk about timing, right? Patience is defined as: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. My wife will tell you I sometimes accept delay or trouble too easily. And I sometimes do  lack urgency. Some of that is because I tend to become scattered when rushed. I've learned over the years that its better for me to go slow and get it right, or at least try, rather than rush and forget two things, go home and get them, only to realize I've forgotten a third thing. But for whatever reason, I struggle with this when it comes to the kids. Some of it is that the cacophony is incessant. I know every parent complains about this. And truthfully, every parent deals with it on some level. But some days... Its just all too much. The hundreds of questions, the fighting, the q...

Yesterday was a no good, very bad, day. Not just yesterday, the last two or three days, really. I'm not even sure why. I am sure I have not been a good Dad or person these last few days. Maybe I'm not sleeping well - though I think I am. Maybe I'm not happy - though I think I am. Maybe I'm stressed out - though I have no reason to be. Heck, January was the best month for this blog by nearly any measure. The Robes broke up shortly after this show. Our piano player was moody. I've been short with the kids. Little things that  really should  roll off my shoulders have dug claws in me, edging me toward irritation. I've snapped. I've raised my voice. I've been very, very short. To the point my daughter has had to remind me to "take a deep breath, Daddy." A short aside: I'm so, so very proud of her for that. Because it really does defuse the situation; it really takes me out of the moment and allows me to reset. But when your 4-year-old ...

People hate Cam Newton. I'll be damned if I really understand why, but they do. Not in a bullying way like some people hate red-haired QBs , but in a more fundamental way. A Google search for "I hate Cam Newton" returns 5,200,000 results. "I hate Tom Brady" returns a mere 3,970,000; "I hate Bill Bellichick" returned only 838,000. For reference, Tom Brady is one of the best QBs in history. Bill Bellichick is his coach, and one of the winningest coaches in history. Both have been caught up in questionable cheating scandals . There are ample reasons to hate either one. Yet Cam Newton has somewhere between 1.3 and 6.2 more "hate" than the two of them. Combined the two of them can't touch Newton. As I'm writing this a guy on the radio called in and said "I hate Cam Newton." Why? Because he dances too much; apparently. And he smiles a lot. Check out that screen cap above. Cam's teeth are in 10 of the 12. I searched fo...

Its a triplet parents worst nightmare, really. I only have triplets, so most of what I;m about to say about singletons is conjecture and assumption, but here goes: I imagine that when you have three kids of different ages its easy when only one of them is invited to a birthday party. Any younger child is probably interested in where an older sibling is going, but is easily refocused. Older children probably just don't care what a younger child is doing, but to the extent they are invested, I'd think its easy to explain to them. After all, they are probably in different schools, or at least different grades. They have different teachers, different classmates, and while they may share some friends, those are largely different as well. Not so with triplets When you have three kids all the same age they attend the same  school; often in the same class (as ours do). So when only one of them receives an invite, as our daughter did, its hard not  to feel slighted. After all, ...

First, let me say I don't know how single parents do it. I really can't imagine how single parents of multiple kids do it. I guess at least then you can ask the twelve-year old to watch the kids when you need that occasional time off. I guess. Still don't know how you manage it, but I guess. Secondly, let me just say that my kids are great. During a recent spout of illness by my wife they were quiet and played well and generally made life much, much easier on themselves, myself, and our family - right at a time when we needed it most. Kuddos kids. Thirdly, that my wife is pretty great as well. As a working Mom she struggles with many of the same things other working Moms struggle with: does she spend enough time with the kids; is she being enough of a "Mom." I was surprised that she struggled with that last one. She is a strong, reasonable, rationale woman (normally). But there she was on recent evening, asking me if she was a "good Mom."  Rather t...

First off, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. It is the holiday season, so this is going to be a quick and fun post. If you want something more serious, you can look my struggles with my daughter's self esteem  here , my blah attitude about the death of cursive here , and why I'm a very bad person here . All kids believe in some clearly wild ideas. Santa. The tooth fairy. Heck, some parents believe vaccines cause disease, so its hard to blame the kids. But mine might be taking it to new levels. For instance, my one son will repeatedly tell me how I'm the best Dad he knows. Its sweet. And gosh, its hard to deny. But I'm also pretty much the only Dad he knows. I guess his other point of reference is the Dad from Peppa Pig. Have you seen that guy? He's a half shaven, rotound pig with the manners you might expect of such a guy. Its a bit surprising he isn't usually adorned with a can of beer in his hand and food stains on his clothing. This suddenly sounds li...

When it comes down to it, parenting is pretty much a crap shoot. It is like rolling a 100-sided die and having to pick the exact number it will land on. And getting it wrong means you'll have poop or permanent marker smeared on your face. Sure, you know all 100 numbers backwards and forwards, but that won't help you when you have poop lodged inside your nostril or a poorly drawn mustache on your face for that important work meeting. Because outside of a steady routine, just about anything else you do can be either entirely wrong for your kid, or the best parenting choice you could make. The worst part is you don't know which is what until its done. You can set strict rules and raise a good, god-fearing and law-abiding citizen who excels at everything he does; but you are just as likely to end up with some psychopath. You can provide no rules and raise a a free-spirited rebel, Gerry Garcia type; but you are just as likely to raise the next Charlie Sheen. It has as at least...

Parenting is a grand bargain. As the title alludes, its along the lines of the one between Darth Vader and Lando Callrissan in Star Wars. Parents would like to think they play the Darth Vader role, but in reality, its the role of Lando. I know I know: Vader means father and the entire series is a father-son drama. But think about the similarities between the parent-child and Vader-Lando relationship. In the movie, Lando provides Vader a place to secretly house troops while laying his trap. In return, Lando receives, well, some semblance of freedom and power from the deal, I suppose. The bargain between parents and kids offers little meaningful differences. In exchange for security and food, kids generally promise to follow the rules. The big secret here is that the law requires you to provide at least base amounts of security and food. Just like Lando, you have certain rules you already have to follow to varying degrees. Vader suffers no such restriction. And your children? T...